I never really tell anyone!!!! = LIFE!!!

I never really tell anyone what I'm really thinking about. I think my life is getting worse each second i think about it but not realizing it's getting better as its gets worse. I think that life will get better but don't realize no matter how good it is there always going to be one thing that's wrong even if ya don't know it. Life is are hard thing to comprehend or withhold because as hard you try you can't. Even if it seems like you have. You think and think about how bad things are and how it gets worse but not acknowledging the little good things around it all that really makes up for the worst of things. No matter how little they are they really do change things and the outcome. I tell myself that i can never overcome these obstacles as hard i try they just bring me back down right to the beginning. But as i feel like its getting worse i don't think about it getting bored of there being a chance of it becoming any better. It's like smoking as you keep doing it the more you want too and don't want to quit ...as you keep holding yourself from overcoming and acknowledging everything around you and the things that could help you. I think I'm protecting myself sometimes by holding back and avoiding these things trying to just block them out of my head like they were never there. But every time i do I'm just hurting myself making it like an illusion thinking and pretending its gone but its always there just eating at met taking my mind over no space left to think. I push and push away but still thinking its really nothing but having to realize it maybe bigger them me. But i really control the outcome and i make the overcome. This is my chessboard and i am checkmate i am the cause, effect and solution. I just need to the figure out how to bring it all together. I realize that we all never really think about it even though we say we so and tell ourselves we do just trying to make the situation easier for ourselves but making it worse at the same time which is making it better because our mind slowly realizes our mistakes. But as long as we don't acknowledge it doesn't get fix even though we are making it better. We lie to get out of things and if we believe these lies we form them as the truth which in our heads is whats right with makes me think and wonder is my life getting better or worse....or is it both. i never tell anyone what goes through my head thinking i may just be crazy or its just me that thinks about this.